I had never had much doubt in this relationship, it was all rainbows, ponies and cupcakes for a while, until, well, really just the other day. It was the other night in fact, that I had a whole arsenal of cute, mushy, sappy photography ready to put on tumblr after I was honestly thinking about our first kiss on my drive home. It gave me butterflies and I thought to myself, “Oh I just love him!” Then yesterday it felt like I needed some sort of exorcism to expel the demons that were eating away at my happiness like a hoard of maggots on a small piece of raw meat.
I honestly despise the way hot tears feel rolling down my face.
Rarely do I forgive too easily.
Most times I can’t forgive at all.
I always have my guard up.
Letting your walls down always invites the possibility of being burned.
Found a note when I was tidying up my room today with a list of resolutions for this year. I know I wrote them a while back because I found them in my school bag and I hadn’t used that bag in about a month. I’m not one to make resolutions since I so often break them. But these were nice:
-Start with “Fresh” Beginnings
***Do laundry (ALL of it, including hand washing)
***Wash makeup brushes
-Stay off Facebook!
-Eat out way less
-Work out more! At least 40 minutes a day, even if it’s just walking on the treadmill, even if it has to be at 5 a.m.
-Do not even SIT on bed until at least 75% of homework is done.
-Go to church more
-Read the Bible more
-Be more generous
I erased all messages between Shrek and I from my facebook archive. I had just been harboring them as memory of a really “happy” time for me and I faced some hard feelings and read through them. They were really stupid to be completely honest. A lot of bad flirting and they weren’t that funny. (More his fault than mine… Ha, just kidding. Or am I?)
It’s always a good thing when they start telling you “Sweet Dreams”